This past Sunday, I was just not feeling on my game. I felt a mixture of emotions from anger to sadness to plain old tired. I immediately began thinking I could go to a yoga class, the grocery store, get on the phone and make plans with a friend, go shopping. I knew that most of these ideas had to do with trying to get out of my skin. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are specific times and moments where being in action and getting out of the head space is good, where something as simple as going outside and taking a walk can be beneficial to change our mindset. But today, this didn’t feel like the direction I should head in.
One of the more popular ways I used to avoid my feelings as well, would be to get on the phone with a friend and discuss how I was feeling. The real emotions though were just beginning to unravel and all the words did was cover up the real thoughts and emotions. All in all, driving around, shopping, moving, acted as a way for me to control and constrict and by the end of the day, I would feel more exhausted and have no idea why.
Thankfully, more often these days, I know how to be with myself, my thoughts and my feelings and today I gave myself permission to do that. I’m not going to say that I enjoy being uncomfortable but I’m more practiced in knowing the benefits that can come from it.
So, on Sunday, I sat with it. I stayed home and allowed myself to slowly make my way into the day. I ate a good healthy breakfast that I enjoyed, did some writing, listened to a guided meditation and read and listened to music. I didn’t do that much. Tears came and went and came and went and came and went again. Thoughts and emotions kept changing. I didn’t feel clarity right away and every time I wanted to put my finger on what it was that was causing me angst, I didn’t. I allowed it to keep changing. As the day carried on, it came to me without effort, the clarity. It came in the form of a feeling and so I felt it. I felt ALONE. However, here’s the thing, it wasn’t like a problem to solve….it was more like an understanding of myself. So, I went there and felt it. I let it wash over me. I knew that nothing was wrong with feeling this way and that I didn’t need to solve the problem of feeling lonely. I actually wanted to feel it.
The irony is that we sometimes hold ourselves back when we try to be positive. That might sound like it doesn’t make sense when you read that, but when we feel like crap, sometimes we need to be in the thick of it and feel it in order to have any understanding of who we are.
I picked up and went to the grocery store about an hour after this breakthrough and I literally felt so connected to people as I walked past them in the aisles. I decided to sit down and have a bite to eat at one of the community tables and ended up having a conversation with a man who was in town from Atlanta visiting his mother who was very ill. Good thing I didn’t hold myself back by running around earlier in the day and not having a clue what was going on with me. Now I was present and clear to be there for someone else who may have been feeling alone himself. Ironic? Universe was like “You get it?” What an honor.
I am attaching “LIV’s Mantras for Deep Inner Peace” that you can Download and Print out. I hope they are a support to you when you may have a day like I did on Sunday. Be with it as it is, be gentle with yourself just as it is. See what opens up for you and celebrate it, whatever it may be.
xo, Lauren LIV’s Inner Peace Mantras